The Sea.

Have you ever met someone? You know. The opposite gender’s equivalent of yourself. As a man, this is rare occurrence, though, the occasional mishap of running into someone whom also shares a mutual love of the works of Robert Greene would be ideally satisfying. But still, in a sea of pointless pussy; the wayward traveler must be careful not to drown. No life preserver, no rafts, no life guards, not even a Wilson via the movie “Cast Away”. You drown. How does the pot know when he has found his top? Is their really such a thing as a soulmate? And if so, are each of us only given one? In a lifetime or are people like interchangeable parts(coined by Henry Ford) and as we evolve, our soulmate are swapped for another one. It makes you wonder about the fishing analogy associated with dating and relationship, especially in reference to throwing the fish back if it’s not the one for us. For me, I rarely like anyone, right away. I study people before allowing anyone in my sandbox. Years of psychology textbooks instead of nursery rhymes as bedtime story will do that to a person. No, that doesn’t mean I’m an expert. It just means I’m more interested in how a person ticks in the grand scheme of things. I don’t use labels, but rather I care more to understand how they think instead of arbitrarily calling a pickle jar a grease dispenser.

  Claw Machine for the lotus eaters.

I remember going to arcades, mostly in skating rinks and movie theaters, and among the countless matches of Mortal Kombat and Street Fighter; my money almost always go towards the claw machine. Sometimes they would have good prizes, others not so much but I rarely saw anyone consistently win with the claw machine. I mean, rarely. That’s if the damn thing worked at all, sometimes the claw would descend and go straight back up again without any indication: the buttons work. And when the machine actually did always some control: it was nearly impossible to get the prize you wanted. You would probably end up with a power puff girl decoder ring (in my case) instead of the Tommy Oliver White Ranger movie replica. My point is: soul searching works the same way. There are no adults anymore. Just modified children. Each of us are layers upon layers: of ongoing themes, reoccurring and recirculation of the same type of thoughts, behaviors and stigmas. Sheltered by the personas, in which we developed for survival purposes, as well for our own social calibration to the outside world. And finally, the motives and influences our parents had on us. Coincidently, one day a group of scientist huddle together—took all these deciding factors: and dubbed it a Personality. For the most, given our disposition, the vast major suffer from deep wounds of Apathy. Everyday merges into another day, then another; and then another. Barreling through work and for some, school—appealing to expectations from friends, parents, co-workers, spouse, boyfriend/girlfriends. The days blur together: more, and more dull interactions. So we delegate. Free up time for some, while others we offer nothing but excuses and broken promises. We do mean to. But, we want to be around people whom, make us feel and understand us on deeper levels, then we could possible understand. While, chasing a career, pursuing happiness, staying connected with friends; starting a family, pleasing parents and ultimately finding love. They come into our lives at the most inopportune times and we selfishly give into the excuse: time makes bond strong.  And how can I have such strong connection with someone I barely know.

Yet, I’m stunted at the multitude of people(preferably religious) still are under the impression: that there is only one person out there for you. Obviously, the guest on the Jerry Springer never got the memo.

 

       Broken Rhythm

 

That feeling. Every moment your with this person, and you probably been together for years. As the months fly by, you say to yourself: they are the one. Through the best of times, through the worst of times—you still love them and with every cycle of pleasure offsetting the pain: those feelings grow stronger; they intensify, even. Every morning and every night, if your not lying next to them—your thinking about them. Where are they? What are they doing? And if they take too long to return your phone. Are they with someone else? Have they met someone? Frequently, you even daydream about them see their face, making note of every detail as vividly as you can imagine. Then. One day. You lose that connection. Maybe, you move and now it has turned into a long-distance relationship. Maybe, Work has increased or a promotion and your priorities change, Maybe, they still have more school. But, “We can make it work, we love each other”, you tell yourself. Until one day…the magic fades. Late nigt conversation are replaced with tears, not of joy, but of anguish. Your daily check-ins become shorter and shorter. As the torment increases: they become strangers. Each passing day, no, passing moment; the little things about this person that irritates you—come bubbling to the surface. And that image, that perfect picture of this person; you always hold in your mind’s eye—starts to fade and fade and fade. Without Delay, as the warm fuzzy feeling is on it’s last leg: you break up. Could be until the fall or for good.

Your world is spinning. You know nothing else but them and now you have-to reinvent yourself. For the first time in a while, you are just you. You are not his girlfriend and his not your boyfriend, vice versa.  Emotionally shutting down and distance: you hope that you get back together, not so much with words or action, but in the form of rereading old messages and keeping all the pictures you’ve taken together. Tell everyone you need time to heal, all-the-while shuffling through the day—trying not to burst into tears.

          Ask…and it will come.

Love is constant, yet fleeting if not attended to. You can date someone you have known, seems like forever, break up. And as soon as you are at a low point: someone else fills the gap. As a moth to a flame, you meet someone new and that same fuzzy feeling comes fluttering back even stronger then before. We should embrace these moments—embrace anyone whom, fills us up with so much joy. Seeing their smile—that weird twinkle in their eye—and how they make us laugh while clinging to every word from them. They could be gone tomorrow. Anyone whom, authentically give you great pleasure to be around…hold nothing back. It can all go away, and you’ll be alone again. Time doesn’t build bonds. You can meet someone right now at work, at a movie theater, a skating rink, or at a Starbucks: that blows your fucking mind away.

Pretty soon, you find yourself have inside jokes with this person, public, as this is going on: you are stealing their sayings and mannerism and using it in regular conversation. Now, a new world has been created, just you and them. And it all could have not happen if you let something as inconsistent as the rules of time dictate it. Life is not perfect. And perfect timing doesn’t exist.

Live now and love hard. Destroy and rebuild

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