Relationships and Entrapment…
To whom it may concern:
You are not alone. This is not another “You” problem: it never is. I have no intention to depreciate the value of women, nor victimized the ill-informed and misguided male ego. And don’t think this an issue solely for the heterosexual relationship—homosexual and Lesbians, sometimes, are forced to play a bad hand, if need be. As I said, this is not another “you” problem: more like an “us” dilemma.
“Most people seem to believe that if a relationship doesn’t last until death, it’s a failure. But the only relationship that’s truly a failure is one that lasts longer than it should. The success of relationship should be measured by it’s depth, not by it’s length.
~Neil Strauss, The Game ”
The problem starts, with relationship in itself: they make hardly any sense. Two people meet for the first time, eventually attraction and comfortability intertwine so heavily that the overwhelming desire to see each other again, becomes obvious. So much so, the people spend more and more time together and eventually the sequence of hooking up and breaking begins in: rinse and repeat, rinse and repeat, rinse and repeat. In which at this point, if the integrity of the relationship isn’t too damage from the emotional trauma and the infidelity: Marriage is added to the HEAGPS (happily ever after global positioning satellites) system. Given, she isn’t pregnant, already and the asshole decides not to question, whether or not the baby is his.
Now of course, the previous is an overgeneralized statement, because human interactions are too chaotic with unforeseen variations and nuances, to establish a successful template—in correspondence of events. Especially, when women are involved. Because, women developed advance social skills at such an early age, more often then none, communication with the opposite sex or female equivalent of the male presence become flowed with misinterpreted dialogue with duplicitous meaning. And for many of us, that being of the Judeo-Christian version of the moral-map, still following under the age-old philosophy: one man to one woman. Now obviously, for centuries and by centuries, I really mean SEVERAL millennia have come and gone, and society’s procreation-engine has been running off the same GPS system ever since.
Husband and wife, “til death do us part,” was, for most of history, the only acceptable lifestyle. Not by choice, rather, the alternatives, were seen as: abominations, vile behavior, detestably-loathsome habits. If there existed a book, in which the contents of that book contained behavior, considered to be “frowned upon” then fidelity would be numero uno .
“THOU SHALT NOT COMMIT ADULTERY
~the seventh commandment.”
Infidelity. The act or state of being unfaithful to a spouse other sexual partner. Exclusivity is a cruel and indecisive mistress. The idea that you own the rights to someone via: sexually, emotionally and in certain cases, spiritually. Not own them as you would a slave or even cheap labor. But rather, it’s a person’s faculties of interest: time, effort, energy, attention, conversation and because the influence of social media: entertainment. Can a you really own the rights to another person’s intentions? Where can the metaphorical line be drawn, when you are so in deep with someone—how does simple flirting becomes a cardinal sin?
One of the most significant fears that ails mankind, other than death and mortality, is loneliness. Caring about the opinions of others, has and always will be: the illusive electron—a magnetic force, in which, while providing the spark(electricity) needed to draw other necessary components for perfect homeostasis of the atom(consensus). Care too little and the atom destabilizes. Care too much and the other components have-to compensate. However, in either case, both result in the potential threat of radiation (toxic self-worth beliefs).
A toxic mindset doesn’t just go away when the love of your life (at that moment), it amplifies. But what about culture built on the ruins of a decaying traditions.
Like most you, when I was a little boy; I was told that god created man and because god proclaimed it was not good for man to be alone. He pulled forth from the ground all manner of wild animals and the named all of them. But this wasn’t for the man, the animals, neither the livestock, the birds that took to the sky, nor the wild animals that flourished in the wilderness, were suitable helpers for him. And so, the gracious god, caused the man to fall into a deep sleep, in which one of his ribs was taken. And from that very same rib, Eve was created. “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman’, for she was taken out of man.” Words that left the lips of Adam, moments after God bestowed upon him a lifelong companion for an eternity, at least…until the serpent decided to do some backseat editing to daddy’s script. Because of the words uttered from the mouth of newly appointed First man of human existence, which begot the following passage:
“That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. ”
~ Genesis 2:24
It’s counter-intuitive, I know. Last time I check, hardly any single women check “live in parent’s basement with his model-train collection and enjoys spending his spare time, watching old Walker Texas Ranger reruns, in his vintage Chuck Norris underwear,” dating magazine column.
I will now take your attention to an era of time, to my impression, of traditional courtship without the political and financial undertones. Meaning, prior to the 1800s’, marriages, for the lack of a better word: were arranged by parents or parental guardians. When you think of arranged marriages; obviously, royalty comes to mind; the rich marrying the rich in order to prolong the longevity of the families’ wealth. Though, in certain contexts, this is dead-center on the bull-eye, often times: it’s not. Daughters, sometimes before birth, were use as bargaining chips—negotiating for something, as trivial as, a few acres of land, deeds for a highly beneficial source of income and most demeaning: livestock and produce.
The following is a list of rules privy to the Victorian era’s courtship and marriage etiquette:
- A single woman never addressed a gentleman without a introduction.
- No impure conversations were held in front of single women.
- A woman could not receive a man at home if she was alone. Another family member had to be present in the room.
- There was no physical contact between the woman and the gentleman marriage.
- Victorian etiquette for men courting dictated that a man could offer the girl his hand if the road was uneven. That was the only form of contact, which was accepted between a man and a woman, who was not engaged to him.
- A woman could only flirt with her fan and no more than that was allowed.
- An unmarried girl could never date a man at night. It was considered rude for a man to stay too in the girl’s home.
- Even if the girl entered the stage of courtship, she could never walk with the gentle man.
- Women were restrained to ride alone in a closed carriage with a man, except for a close relative.
- The girl should not be invited by any gentlemen to seek an audience at his residents.
- If engaged, the gentleman could not turn back to see any other girl.
- Even after an engagement, the couple was not allowed to have sexual behavior.
- In the relationship, intelligence was not at all required, neither any interest in the politics.
The rules from this era, though outdated and rigid, still set the groundwork for the interactions between men and women, think of it as a woo-her twelve-step program, for the gentleman-in-need-of-female-companionship. And it was fine, because it worked, at least until the last eighty-years, as of 2018: turned the rules of engagement from the Victorian era on its back side.
Yes. The time has come to get into some hardcore thinking. The Game is present is every interaction: at all times. Are you in or out? Are you playing the game?
Within the last century, several things have changed: the statistics for a marriage ending in divorce are steadily increasing (the number fluctuate based on: age, race, education, location, and whether or not you have children), social media dilutes and alienates sincere interactions and floods the market with artificial ones, involuntarily plaguing us with selective ADD. Remember, my interpretation of exclusivity: is owning or establishing the intellectual rights via sexually, emotionally or spiritually. And the final factor that has increased the difficulty in the world of dating: women, themselves. The walls have been torn down; the vail has lifted and now, speaking as man, myself, it’s time to nut-up and play the game.
The gatekeepers for woman’s attention are out for pizza and men: have to do better. No. have to be better. Women have power, now, and influence. Though, not as much as they prefer, but to simply call it a “work in progress” is an under-statement. Mothers, lawyers, doctors, CEO, CIO, Senators, Secretary of Treasure; actresses, models; entrepreneurs, owners, stockbrokers; lovers, artists, songwriters; poets, writers, activist, journalist, even domestic partners. The list goes on and on, to no end. Women can anything they want to be—couple this, with a decreased attention span towards, to what they perceive as inferior selection, in the male species—let the culling of the herd begin. Because just possessing wealth, good looks, and status, are not enough anymore; we, as men, lived on borrowed time, depending on those three factors and now, the truth has been exposed and we’re scared shitless. And the truth is this: we don’t understand women any more then we know how to program an old VHS VCR.
“People are more complicated than the masks they wear in society.
~Robert Greene, The Art of Seduction
That’s right, women have been playing possum. Gone, are the days, in which, women, at best, were nothing more than underpaid, underappreciated-domestic servants. In the beginning, her role was man’s little helper, compliment all than he did. Love him, nourish him and his offspring, and if need be—compromise your own well-being, to protect his ego. And receive hardly any credit. But those days don’t exist anymore; they are saying “good riddance”.
Little Evelyn grew tired of not being allowed in Adam’s clubhouse—with a sign reading “ no girls allowed”, she knew it was time: to shake things up. Months went by, after he built it and the only time she came within spitting-distant of his clubhouse, was to bring him and his friends—bowels of sliced apples and capri-sun. One day, a friend of Adam made the mistake of grabbing Evelyn’s ass, though still, tiny—boney and not at all tempting in the least bit; the gesture had done the damage. Evelyn waited by the clubhouse one night, tired, cramping and bloated; she took the “no girls allowed” obstruction and proceeded to stomp the splinters out of it, but that wasn’t the end of it. She removed her blood soaked maxi-pad and smudged menstrual blood all over the used-to-be-a-boys-only-club door. With a note, simply reading “Let’s re-discuss the terms of our agreement.”
The previous was obviously a comical satire, using Adam and Eve as focal point. But the points still remain; centuries, hinting and nudging at the idea of equality, now, women are no longer asking and, like the mafia, even if it means sending a message.
I personally don’t believe in marriage. I honestly don’t entertain the thought of meeting someone and expressing enough love and compassion; that I would consider spending the next 50 years with them. And that’s the lie, which begets a sequence of lies. Can you imagine that? Living a life full of adventure with multiple lovers—each one marking a stage for our progress on this earth; a different face for a different phase shift. I mean, if there was such a thing as that one perfect person, then what are the odds we would meet them in our immediate location of resident. That’s, if the quote “soulmate” lives in the same country. What if that reality was a lie? What if spending a prolonged period of time with anyone: was counterintuitive.
“We have this idea that love is supposed to last forever. But love isn’t like that. It’s a free-flowing energy that comes and goes when it pleases. Sometimes it stays for a second, a day, a month, or a year. So don’t fear love when it comes simply because it makes you vulnerable. But don’t be surprised when it leaves, either. Just be glad you had the opportunity to experience it.
~Neil Strauss, The Game
Religion and Status quo invite us to spend useless man-hours, looking for good thing and that special someone and waiting. Waiting for everything to be perfect; waiting for the right time to ask for a promotion; waiting for our crush to say “What are your plans this weekend” instead of “See you, later”; waiting for the algorithms to add up; waiting for the moon, the stars and the alignment of the planets—to be in perfect synchronization. The universe is rarely so lazy; he will never be your perfect gentlemen, right at bat and she can’t guarantee she won’t fuck someone, else, she likes better you: when it’s girls’ night out.
Games I’m currently playing:
God of War
Immerse yourself, in the world of Norse mythology, as Kratos, along with his son, Atreus; battle through the mystic mazes of the Norse wilderness. In yet another epic journey, while father and son deal with obstacles both extraneous and centralized around Kratos’ dark past.
Now, enjoy a new feature, once you beat the game(on any difficulty). New game+, gives players an added bonus of retaining all armor, weapon, and move updates as the play through the entire game, again. With harder bosses–venture between the realms and discover new hidden secrets. And more rare items and armor. Hours of fun await you.
Click the link below. ⇓⇓
Love, may indeed, conquer all but what happens when those feelings fade; leaving one another is at the top of the vision board and working out your differences becomes a distant murmur, echoing—growing smaller and smaller in a vacant junior-high school hallway.
“As to the deceit perpetrated upon women, let it pass, for, when love is in the way, men and women as rule dupe each other.”
As stated earlier in the post, relationship fail for an assortment of reasons. But nothing, can be more prevalent than starting relationship under fails pretenses. Especially, when one or both individuals are guilty of protection. As Sigmund Freud put it, “projection, at its core, is a defense mechanism, often used as a way, to avoid uncomfortable repressed feelings. Of course, these are not the only types of feelings and emotions projected, but projection most often occurs when individuals cannot accept their own impulses or feelings.”
“When you first meet someone, you’re not really meeting them; you’re meeting their representative.”
~Chris Rock. Chris Rock’s Bigger & Blacker.
So, the question still-remains: does a true relationship exist and how do you know when or if you are in one? What does it look like? More importantly, what does it feel like and, could there be a possibility that love is a fool’s game and we’re all, really, just shooting for par, chasing after our own unicorn.
Projection leads to deception.
You see, the big issues with any relationship can not be isolated solely on the day to day external force, rather, it’s the ipso facto of the demands and expectations both parties project onto one another. You factor in, the previously stated concept, everyone is acting on a persona, based on another a persona, in order, to align themselves with a perception, in which; they themselves believe to be the correct impression—total strangers have of them. Now, we see why most relationship: are lukewarm, if not one-sided. In hindsight, the power struggle, we often see displayed through the duration of relationship, are the necessary evil, which, unfortunately results in: on and off-again break ups, divorce, separation and, in rare cases, terms like: co-parents and domestic relationship became new labels.
Exclusivity, in this context, refers to an acknowledgment that you have enough attraction and emotional connection with someone, rather be it for the same or opposite sex. That, you instinctively want to limit the number of people whom, have this level of connection or intimacy (whichever one you self-identify with) with. Exclusivity is mainly a principle of trust, and obviously; the rise of the usage of social media, along with inflated numbers in dating apps and website; exclusivity is a Tyrannosaurus Rex stuck—sticking to his internal hard-drive, waiting for the meteorite to crash.
To be continued…